just like before i should have told you again that I'm so sorry

So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts? 
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground. 
What have we found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here






R.I.P Dad


26/10/1970 - 17/01/2000

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces

TTC is seriously one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. every month seeing that negative result or getting no AF at all is heartbreaking.


this month however I've had a few questionable tests, faint lines one majority of my tests and now either 2 or 5 days late depending on cycle length.

desperately hoping theres something good happening in there!

i know that i should walk away but i can't bring myself to quit this game
she's just a beautiful girl with the weight of the world on her shoulders



just like before i should have told you again that I'm so sorry

fly away

just feel so trapped. i don't even know how my life came to this point.
im not depressed or anything.
I'm just so confused about how i ended up here.
the last 2 years seem like an absolute blur and i find myself thinking a lot about
how my life was 2 years ago.

there was a few bumps in the road but it was so much easier to deal with everything
i felt like i was finally starting to get back to myself.

now I'm back to feeling strange. trapped, like I'm being crushed.


i want to get away.


a nice long drive with the sun shining on my face. a few days without having to worry about anything.

thats what i need.